"A Prayer of Barrenness"
My heart aches. I love Him, yes, but faintly.
I desire Him, yes, but weakly.
I want Him, true, but waveringly.
Even the pain but lies within
I recognize to be such faint pain,
A mere discomfort next to the heart-wrenching anguish
That grips true lovers
My knowledge is nothing. My wisdom, infancy.
I see nothing as it truly is.
Eternity what is light. This life of earth what is dark.
Stories remain stories. Not sinking deep within my soul,
And scarring me with Divine invasion
Your cross is a picture, Your heaven a fantasy.
Tears are sweet emotions, moved by your sacrifice.
But not the tears of sharing in Your sufferings.
I say Your name so sweetly but do not know its Face.
All I am is far. So distant, so removed.
But you beckon me come.
Yet, my Lord, I am nothing. I have nothing. I know nothing.
When I thought I had something,
It dissolved before Your beauty,
And I was left naked. Possessing nothing.
Poor for words. Empty of all. Needy and alone.
Even so, my Love, call me.
Yes, do not leave me here but beckon me come.
Though I have nothing, though I am only poor,
I cast myself on your unfailing love
Where else would I go?
Whom have I but You?
I think even though we may feel like we are alone on our walk in life and not feeling connection with God, he loves that we stay along side of him even though we dont feel him. Dana from the book says " . . . what we call barren He often calls fruitful; what we call wasteful he often calls well spent." The days we feel like nothing we do will ever get us closer to God, it actually shows our faithfulness to him which he appreciates. Our commitment to him should tower over anything in our lives, over any stuggle that we have. We need faith that he will take care of us and our journey will be beautiful. That is something that I am now, slowly, starting to realize.