Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Will I Fall Again?
I know I just made a big step into changing the way my life was going but I am not going to lie, I'm scared. OK, I don't know if scared is the right word. If I stayed on the "right" path, I know things will work out fine . . . great even. But I know that since I blocked my Ex off my facebook and out of my phone, he is so mad. And that is what kills me. I feel like he is going to spread lies about me and people just don't know EVERYTHING and he will make it out to seem like I am the witch. I feel like after he finds out that I took him out of my life, he is going to run to some girl and mess around with her and I just want that picture out of my head. I should not care what he does but I do all the time. I just want peace in my life but even when I am making the right steps, I still find no peace. I do not want to mess my life up again. Its like a cycle that I go through. I make a big step and then a few days later, it is eating me up inside. I get doubts about what I did and I want to take it back. BUT on the other hand, I know I can't go back and I should not go back. I have been really trying to get more connected with God and my pain goes away for a while but then it comes back and I just want them gone. I don't want to fall back again . . . I want to stay strong. But I cant help but love him. He hurt me on purpose and I hate that but for some stupid reason, I love him and I just want his life to get better so he can come back to me as a strong Christian man. That's what I really want.