I have to get this out . . .

As of Now

V1

I'm doing just fine

How about you

It seems like you moved on

Yes, I did too

I bet your wondering why

I dropped you do cold

I don't quite understand

How you don't know

B

Don't you remember the conversation we had

Nights before I dropped your heart from my hand

C

I wish we had a different ending

than we have now

Can we change this somehow

I know how we are now and our love can't work baby

I want to be wrapped in your arms eternally

But we can't work as of now

V2

Know that I love you

I will never forget you

But we're two different people

You know that's the truth

I know your intentions

can be kind and [so] sweet

But deep in your heart of hearts

You could never handle me

B

How could you not see the pattern of my actions

You know my desire, I wont force you to have it

C

T

Oh, I wish we had a chance

Oh, I won't change what I want

Oh, it's tearin' me up inside

Oh, Oh I wish we could have one more try

C(2x - ad lib.)

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I just needed to write this song to get some of my feelings out so I am not keeping them inside. A bunch of girls were talking about their relationships and my ex kept popping in my head. Plus we were watching a movie and it was all about second chances and I started to feel guilt about what I did (cutting him off). I know I needed to do it but my emotions were getting the best of me. SO, the only way I know how to help is to write a song about it. So that is what I did. It makes me feel better and it helps me get back on track! 

10 more days :)

I have 10 more days of school left and I am ready to come home for the summer. I am ready to get some money so I am not so broke :) I do have a lot to do this summer regarding school and work and decisions, etc. It is going to be a summer of pure reliance on God. I need to follow him even closer if I am going to to survive. I'm getting more and more worried about how I am going to do. Whenever I was home (for the past year), I got in trouble and it was not good for my family and myself. I just want to make the right choices and follow what is best.
Like I said, I feel closer than ever with God right now and I don't want to loose that. Every time I am home, I get nervous that Derek will be there. In my head I think about if I ever did run into him, how I would handle it; how he would handle it. I just want to be me and not be so concerned with worldly stuff. I'm on a great road and I see that my future is only going to get better. I'm excited for this journey and I don't need the distractions that will stray me away.
A lot is going on with school and with what my plans will be in the future. I feel like my patience is wearing thin and I know I need to stay positive and not get so stressed about it. My life is in God's hands now and I need to stay on track with being faithful to his timing and his plans for me..
I am reading "Hinds' Feet on High Places"; currently on chapter 8. It is such a good book and here is a quotes that struck my heart

"When you wear the weed of impatience in your heart

instead of the flower Acceptance-with-Joy, you will always

find your enemies get an advantage over you."

That is so true and I am the first one to say that I have witnessed that. We need to be constantly focused on Christ and have our thoughts devoted to him. When we do that, we have no time to feed our minds with the sins of our flesh.

Stay focus and stay faithful, my friends :)



Uncontrolled Passion

For the past few weeks, the intensity of my passion for God is strong. Stronger than I have ever experienced. Like even know, It makes my body tense up because I just want to be in constant praise. There is like a surge of adrenaline that runs through my body. That might sound strange but that's how I feel. I walk with my music constantly playing in my ears and I just want to stop walking, lift my hands and sing praise to God right in the middle of the campus. Man, I cant put it in the right words. It is incredible and I am in love with that feeling. All I want to do is give him praise. Almost every time I listen to a song praising him, I cry or I get choked up. I am overwhelmed with the changes in my life and I want to repay him with my life and with my service I can bring to him. He deserves all my praise. Even now, I am filled with emotion. I want to praise him so badly and spread that love I have with the world everyday I am breathing.
I encourage you to read Psalms 18. This chapter, I feel, relates to how God rescued me. Its a beautiful picture of how we cry out for God in our sinful ways and he comes. He does not love our sin but he wants to be the rescuer of our lives. He wants to lift us up from our valleys and mend us to health. I just love the details of this chapter because it shows Gods mercy, love and compassion for his people even if we seem too broke to to be fixed. It is because of that reason that I want to be in eternal worship with Christ. He deserves my all and that is what I intend to give him!

Breathe-taking!

Oh this song is so beautiful and all I want to do is praise God . . . I just love this!!! I hope you feel the same way :)

Facebook . . . NO MORE :)

Well, I decided to deactivate my Facebook. Lately, I have been getting emails and comments from people that are not letting me focus on whats important in life. It got to the point were I almost dreaded opening it up. So once I noticed that, I knew it was not good for me to stay on there. I will miss having contact with people who brought joy in my life and keeping contact with my family but I really need to keep my mind and heart on better things than what I was recently experiencing. So hopefully, I can survive . . . oh of course I will survive!!! haha If I didn't, then that would be a major problem :p

OH and by the way . . . I have only 3 more chapters in "When God Writes Your Love Story" :) :) :) Praise the Lord!

Not Culture Based

Chapter 11 in "When God Writes Your Love Story", had this particular quote that stood out to me:
    

"To experience a God-written love story, our standards for what we are seeking in a

relationship cannot be determined by our culture. Our standards should be radically higher

than the rest of the world. Not that we are going to be perfect or have a perfect relationship,

but we should be aiming our arrow at the right target---applying the very nature and character

of Jesus Christ in our attitude toward the opposite sex."



Leslie Ludy (co-author) describes a story about how women obviously long for that "Prince Charming" who is supposed to sweep us off our feet. Its something we wanted as little girls and we still strive to have that perfect relationship. If I were to ask you what is the perfect guy you have envisioned for yourself, what would that be? If you are married, think of what they used to be when you were a kid. Leslie uses this examples: treats me like a princess, sensitive, tender, gentle, brave, full of integrity, servant-hearted and honorable.

Who do you think can fill those standards in our lives?

Jesus Christ

I think we feel those desires to have that perfect man in our lives because we cant take the time to notice that God is all of that to us. When we look for a guy to enter into a life-long relationship, we need to focus on Christ-like characteristics because that will ultimately bring us the most joy that God intended for us to experience.

 





Desiderio Domini

Here are a few lines/quotes from the book that I am reading:

". . . endure the great pain, to find the great gain [singleness]"

"Not without design does God write the music of our lives. Be it ours to learn the tune, and not be dismayed at the 'rests'. They are not to be slurred over, not to be omitted, not to destroy the melody, not to change the keytone. It we look up, God Himself will beat the time for us. With the eye on Him, we shall strike the next note full and clear. If we sadly say to ourselves,'There is no music in a 'rest,' let us not forget 'there is the making of music in it.' The making of music is often a slow and painful process in this life. How patiently God works to teach us! How long He waits for us to learn the lesson!"

"True contentment can only be found in the intimate love relationship with the Lord, not in anything else, including a romantic love story. Singleness can teach us this contentment. In this season, we can learn what it means to have peace and joy in Christ, no matter what our circumstances may be. And in a culture that is always longing for something more, '. . . godliness with contentment is great gain'(1 Tim. 6:6)"

"A true leader must have enough backbone to stand alone - even when the crowd wants to take the easy road home. A true leader cannot be dependent on companionship for his or her security, but must learn to trust in God alone. Singleness can give us this kind of backbone --- courage, confidence, and leadership skills that any effective Christian must learn."

"Amy Grant used to sing, 'I love a lonely day . . . it chases me to You."

"Translated from Latin into modern day English, 'Desiderio Domini' means, "I dearly long to be with my Lord."